Lil's Thoughts
by Darkness-nightfall
Summary: Lily's impression of her family, of James, and more importantly, her Life.


Lils Thoughts  
  
A/N: I tried to put myself in Lil's shoes for this one, and I was really depressed and unhappy when I wrote it.  
  
I used to think my life was perfect. I lived in a grand house with people who loved me, who cared for me, people who would die for me. I was often told I had looks to kill, but I didn't like to think of them in that way or context. I had sea green eyes and long auburn red hair.  
  
I look back on my life and look at how innocent I was, sitting with petunia on the home made swings in our backyard, under the maple and oak trees, listening to the birds chirping on the back fence.  
  
I remember being so innocent. When I was seven I remember baking cookies with mum and Petunia, laughing at Petunia and mum with icing all over their faces. Or when I was ten I wouldn't take off my yellow overalls for three weeks. Or playing dolls with petunia in the tree house, or sitting in bed, listening to mum read us stories of enchanted fairies and unicorns.  
  
Oh how I miss my innocence, my childhood, where everything was simple and life was about being with the people you love.  
  
Then the worse thing happened – I grew up. Long gone were the cookies and dolls, in came the bots and the books.  
  
Books would always be my first love. The likes of Charles Dickens being my favourite – his choice of words just blew me away, Oh how I love to read.  
  
Life started getting different when I started Hogwarts. I was forced to make friends – the quiet little girl who lived in a cottage in a small town and who loved to read, was not everyone's idea of a good friend. I was different.  
  
Being different made me targets to the bullies of Hogwarts. One minute I would be walking down the hall to the library, the next dangling upside down with my books sprawled all over the floor.  
  
What is so wrong with being different? I would ask myself when I was on the verge of tears.  
  
My misery was all thanks to one boy – James Potter. If anyone was to tell me that in ten years time I would be pregnant and married to him I would have surely called you a fibber and demanded to know who paid you to say that.  
  
Ah, James, James, James. The most sought after, though conceited prat, in the school.  
  
And yet some quiet little girl who didn't even have feelings for him was the key into his passion and desire, all locked away behind the mask that he wore- one of carelessness and hurtfulness.  
  
The people he hung around with weren't that bad, in fact, Remus and I got along great.  
  
Sometimes I feel, that if I hadn't married James, I might have been with Remus – after all, we suited each other well- we were into the same things, and he was kind and gentle towards me.  
  
I spent all my spare time in the library, and soon I noticed James potter staring at me everyday.  
  
I once got up the courage to ask him why he was staring at me, and that was at around Christmas time in our first year. Ah, I remember that day so clearly, I would hope he would too, as it was our first proper conversation.  
  
"Hi, sorry to bother you, but I noticed you were looking at me. Is something wrong? I remember him sitting there, looking quite taken aback.  
  
"Um..er..no.. you look great, that's why I was staring at you." I turned quite red then, that's one thing I remember! But then I remembered all the things he'd done to me that year, and I settled myself down.  
  
And so we went on talking, me being cautious all the while. I told him about my family and he did the same. The bell rang and I picked up my books and prepared to leave. I remember him putting his hand over mine, his hazel eyes forcing me to see the truth. There was no escaping those darn eyes, or the warm fuzzy feeling I felt right then.  
  
"I hope to be seeing more of you, Lily Evans." He said quietly, quite aware of the look the librarian was giving him.  
  
"Same here." I managed to squeak out, not sure weather what I had just said was true or out of politeness.  
  
I ran quickly down the hall, feeling quite elated. And so begun the love hate infatuation of James. 


End file.
